I wish I was a Spice Girl.

Remember that song by Evan & Jaron, "Crazy For This Girl?" That song still makes me feel mushy.

I've been holding out for Britney Spears to be...not how she is...for a while now. But apparently she made out (NAKED) with one of her backup dancers in a hot tub like, last night. Classy. Kevin Federline was a backup dancer, wasn't he? She picks the good ones. Not that there is anything wrong with backup dancers. I would kill to be a backup dancer for someone, what a SWEET job. But call me old fashioned, there IS something wrong with getting wasted and hooking up with one of your employees in a hot tub...and may I reiterate, without clothing. At least wear a bathing suit. Or at least half of it. Especially when you're in the middle of a custody battle for your two children.
OH. And. She thinks that her mom slept with K-Fed! Yeah right. I think she is just going crazy. Or else...that would be the most scandalous thing I have ever heard.
Whatev Britney. I've lost all faith.

So there are these rumors that Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillipe are getting back together.
That would be so cute.
They are SO cute.

WHAT a couple.
But apparently Ryan is denying that they're reconciling. :(
Men.

I really want a bagel.
Bad.

SCARY SPICE GOT MARRIED! See, Eddie Murphy? She doesn't need you to be her baby daddy! Apparently she got married to Stephen Belafonte, a movie producer, in Las Vegas on June 6. I'm surprised that has stayed on the DL for that long.

In honor of this VERY IMPORTANT EVENT, I think that it is only appropriate that we have an ode to The Spice Girls.



Ah. Dressing up as these girls represents like... 98% of my childhood.
Which is funny now.
Because they are super skanks.
But still amazing.

The end.

Ramble.

I am way too in love with the "Spider Pig" clip from the Simpson's Movie.
But I mean, come on...



So last night on VH1 that show, The Pick Up Artist came on.
Those guys may not know a thing about women, but they are adorable.
At least they try!
And Mission: Man Band. Jeff Timmons from 98 Degrees is still so very attractive.

I'm babbling a bit, but ALSO, Black Snake Moan, that movie with the fabulous Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci is so strange. Good, but really strange.

Okay.
I am so tired.



The Hills- August 13th at 10! Get excited.

The Good Old Days

I assume that I am not the only one that misses the old Britney. The Britney before she got swept off her feet by someone that likes to be referred to as K-Fed.

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For shame, Britney. He isn't even that cute. And I mean cute in a...scruffy...and wears a wife beater...kind of way.

And yes, pre K-Fed, Britney did have her ups and downs.

Ex.

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...yeah. But who were we to judge? We still rocked out in our bedrooms and cars to "Slave For You" and "...Baby, one more time." And come on, when those songs come on, we still can't help but wiggle around a little bit.

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But come on, Britney. You were BRITNEY. We all knew the steps to "Oops...I did it again," because we actually all stood up in our living rooms and practiced when you taught all of America on TRL. That's how raw you were.

Yes. You may have had two babies, gone through a divorce, suffered many a blow by the media...shaved your head....gone to rehab, etc., but I have every reason to believe that you can bounce back and once again, be BRITNEY.

I mean, look how many people came out to see her when she performed at The House of Blues. And the concert was what? Like 30 minutes and lip synced. And she wore like...fishnets, a weird fur-ish vest and a hot pink shirt. BUT IT IS OKAY. We all bounce back. Sooner or later. I went through a stage where I didn't like pineapple. And here I am.


I think now is the most ideal time to address the train wreck that is Lindsay Lohan.

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I have nothing to hide when I say that one of my favorite movies growing up was "The Parent Trap" and that I knew every line. And who didn't like "Freaky Friday" and "Mean Girls?" No one I know. And I know everyone.

Anyway. The whole DUI, cocaine, rehab thing is getting a little over-played if you ask me. And I just don't see why you wouldn't ask me.
Who completes a rehab program, VOLUNTARILY wears an alcohol monitoring bracelet, and then gets arrested for DUI that very week? I guess the trendy little bracelet doesn't track cocaine. What a shame.

There isn't much else to say.

Crack is whack.

El fin.

Post Simple Life (Meltdown)

Alright.
It's officially over.
The Simple Life is no more.

HUNTER AND PARIS TOTALLY DID IT. Well not did it...per say. But they sucked face and totally wanted to do it. But come on. Hunter Cross is a sex kitten. Despite the fact that he is a sex kitten for money. By which I mean he is a model. Not a man whore.

In order to deal with my PSLD (post Simple Life depression), I was forced to tune into Rock of Live with Bret Michaels on VH1. Despite the fact that he rocked hard when I was rocking Little Mermaid sheets, I must admit, I understand his allure.
Although this was only the second time I have watched this show, I am prettyyy disappointed about the fact that I tuned in just in time to see the appropriately named, Rodeo, get sent home "to see her baby boy."
WHATEV BRET. Everyone knows you wanted Rodeo. I mean...you cried when you sent her home. Rock stars don't cry. Unless they're in love with a super-toned southern chick named Rodeo. Yessir. Idiot.

Lame.

And on that note, I miss Stephen Colletti. And the first season of Laguna Beach. Lauren and Stephen. Kristin and Stephen......AMY AND STEPHEN. Yeah. It could have happened. They just didn't film long enough.

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P.S. I hope Hogan Knows Best never gets canceled. I assume none of them will be knocked up or incarcerated any time soon.

RIP The Simple Life

I probably shouldn't be as upset as I am that The Simple Life is meeting its demise tonight. But I can't lie. My Sunday nights are not going to be complete without my weekly dose of Paris, Nicole, Hunter and Matthew.

Not that The Simple Life is really that "simple." I knew Hunter Cross was way too attractive to actually be a camp counselor. While perusing that pages of Nordstrom I came across a very attractive male model that looked astonishingly like the Camp Shawnee sex symbol. Although apparently it was obvious to everyone but me, I must express how disappointed I am that Hunter was not, in fact, a REAL camp counselor. I suppose I should have seen that coming. All of my camp counselors growing up were fat and mean. Not one of them had a six pack. But then again...I didn't go to Camp Shawnee.

Nevertheless, I was not prepared to accept the cancellation of this show this soon in my life. Yes, I suppose Paris Hilton was thrown in jail, and Nicole is somehow four months pregnant (...) awaiting incarceration...and a wedding. There is nothing more American than a pregnant bride. That's why it is sad that E! is tossing aside America's "sweethearts," or rather "cell mates," after tonight.

I found a video on YouTube (God bless America), that will help us to reflect on all the entertainment that Paris and Nicole have provided us with over the past few years.



RIP The Simple Life. :(